Leadership?

I’m on a journey. With every step I’m learning more about God and His character. Right now I’m on a God-led journey to discover what leadership looks like, for myself and others... but especially for myself.

Everyone has had leaders throughout their lives, some good, some horrible, some amazing. It’s a natural part of life to have leaders, starting with your parents of guardians, moving onto school teachers, or dance teachers, or pastors.

Most people will at one point become a leader of someone else in their life. The question is, do we know how? Do we know how to lead with excellence? I know most people question their abilities and qualifications when they first become leaders, or parents, or teachers. Are they doing this right? Will someone judge them if they do this wrong?

I’ve had lots of leaders, as I’m sure you have as well. I’ve seen bad leadership, and I’ve seen good leadership. But one thing that God pointed out to me, while in school one of the first days, is that I really don’t know how to interact with leadership. And because of that, I don’t know exactly how to interact with those I lead.

I’ve always had this hiccup (maybe an inferiority complex, I don’t know) where I was never confident talking with those who were “above” me, so to speak. I just always assumed they were too busy or had other people that they would prefer to speak with, so I didn’t want to annoy or get in the way so I always just kind of avoided them. If I had a question or a problem, I would never go to the leaders first. I would ask a peer, then if there was still no way of finding out without direct contact, I would have to take the dreaded step and hope for the best.

Even if the leaders were around my age, and maybe even sent signals that they would want to be friends, I still never knew what to do with it. I would always get this wall up in brain where I’d say, “Nope. You’re a leader. I can’t casually interact with you. That’s not normal.”

And when I would lead/teach, I had this same wall up saying “You’re the leader. Don’t say or do anything that would lose their respect or make them think you’re a human who makes mistakes.”

I know that sounds silly, but it’s kind of subtly been in the back of my mind whenever I interact with students.

But now God’s wanting to change all of my past mindsets about leadership and He’s shifting it all around to where it’s going to be unrecognizable. The other day in worship He set Himself in front of me, held my face and looked into my eyes. It’s intimidating to have anyone look intently into your eyes, but to have God, the King of kings and Lord of lords look into my eyes with such love and tenderness is terrifying and intimate at the same time. He sees straight into my soul and He still looks at me with such love I can hardly stand to keep my eyes on Him.

God was saying, “This is leadership: to see and care for the ones you are leading.”

There was so much intimacy in that moment, and I’m trying to comprehend how to translate that into my own life. God directed me to go tell my school pastor about my history of building a wall of separation from leadership, and how God is wanting to break those walls down. My pastor was very understanding and gave me some tips and ideas on how to connect with him and his team this year.

So God is having me really pursue my leaders this year and relearn what leadership looks like, especially for myself. If I’m going to be a good leader, I must first know what a good leader does. That is what my second year at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry is going to be about. I don’t know how all of it is going to look like, but that’s what I’m here to learn. I’m excited about what God has for me this year. I know it’s training for all that He has for me in this life. He’s called me to be a leader, a teacher, a mother. This is what I’m training for and this is some of what I’ll learn while here at Bethel.

Please pray with me for God’s provision to come through. If I don’t get the minimum first payment of $2000 in in the next couple of weeks, I will not be able to continue here. I know He’s told me to come to Second Year, and now I know some of what we’ll be focusing on this year. If you feel called to give towards my tuition, I will be forever grateful. But if you don’t specifically feel called to give, then please don’t. I want only what God has called forth for me. I will accept prayers and cookies though (no raisins ;) ).

If you feel called to give towards my tuition, here is a link that goes directly to the school:

https://my.bssm.net/donations/transactions/new?student_binder=25510