The Reflection of God

God created us. I believe He put part of Himself in each of us, in some measure. That being said, I believe that everything that we’re good at, whether we’re saved or not, is a reflection of God. Maybe what we’re good at has been warped or thwarted in some way that does not bring glory to God (which is one reason the church has been afraid of dancing and such), but initially, how we were originally made, I believe that those skills were made to reflect God in some way. 

Maybe you're really good at basketball. God loves fun and He loves your ability to do what you do! Maybe you're good at making people laugh. Again, God loves laughter and there are actually many uses for laughter in the Kingdom. God gave you your sense of humor because He had it first! Maybe you're really good at arguing and not backing down. Just look at Jesus and how He argued with the religious people in His day. He was really good at making them pause and think.

When we use what we're good at for God, His glory shines through us. When we look at the people around us, looking at what they're gifted in and all the good aspects of them, we can see different aspects of God that we may not have seen before. There are so many different sides to God, don't you want to see more of what He's like?

I am that person that is good at arguing. God had told me that what we're good at reflects an aspect of Him, and I really had to wrestle with Him about how my ability to argue would possibly reflect a perfectly good God. He is the One who reminded me of Jesus and His own ferocity on the topics that He really cared about, such as the merchants selling in His Father's house. He had righteous anger, and that can be reflected in my own at times. Sure, sometimes it's misdirected, but the original design and heart of that part of me is from the Lord.

James 1:17 says that "Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of Lights, in whom there is no shadow of turning."

Every good thing comes from God. Not just some of the good things. Every good thing. It come from God. God gives good gifts. God is in a good mood and likes to give good gifts to His children. 

So what does that include? Every good thing. Not just the good feelings, not just safe travels. It's that chocolate cake you've been craving. That amazing sunset you witnessed. That great song you can't get out of your head. The feeling you get when you look into your significant other's eyes. Every good thing comes from God.

At my church here in Redding, CA we have dancers and painters on stage every week during the singing and worship, because we realize that worship is not just the singing of songs, it's us using our gifts and what we're good at to worship Him and bring Him glory. When we use our gifts in worship, we bring God glory, in the same way that Solomon's wisdom in arranging his household showed the glory of God to the queen of Sheba. 

In 1 Kings 10, the Queen of Sheba had come to King Solomon to test his wisdom, and after she had seen how he had arranged his servants, dressed his servants, and even just looking at the stairway that led up into the temple, she was overwhelmed by the glory of God and the wisdom that was used in just ordinary things. With the wisdom of God, Solomon's house brought glory to Him in just the ordinary, everyday practicalities.

When we use our creative minds, when we stay plugged into God and His wisdom, we can create such a beautiful world! If we get out of our fear of sticking out and being different, we can be used by God to create, not only artistic things, but make ordinary things extraordinary to God's glory. We the church, with God's direction and creativity and our God-given talents, can be the answers to most  of the world's problems, if not all of them! We've seen little changes here and there, but imagine what God can do through us when we submit ourselves fully to Him and work in cooperation with the body of Christ to do the amazing works that He has designed for us to do! I'm getting excited already!

I have more to say on this topic, but it's too much for one blog post. Stay tuned for more on this topic of God's creativity.

If you're interested in supporting my in my ministry school journey, I would forever appreciate it. I've had so many life changing revelations at this school that will help bring the Kingdom of God to earth. If you would like to sow into my ministry, here's the link:
https://my.bssm.net/donations/transactions/new?student_binder=25510

Any amount makes a difference. Thank you

Leadership?

I’m on a journey. With every step I’m learning more about God and His character. Right now I’m on a God-led journey to discover what leadership looks like, for myself and others... but especially for myself.

Everyone has had leaders throughout their lives, some good, some horrible, some amazing. It’s a natural part of life to have leaders, starting with your parents of guardians, moving onto school teachers, or dance teachers, or pastors.

Most people will at one point become a leader of someone else in their life. The question is, do we know how? Do we know how to lead with excellence? I know most people question their abilities and qualifications when they first become leaders, or parents, or teachers. Are they doing this right? Will someone judge them if they do this wrong?

I’ve had lots of leaders, as I’m sure you have as well. I’ve seen bad leadership, and I’ve seen good leadership. But one thing that God pointed out to me, while in school one of the first days, is that I really don’t know how to interact with leadership. And because of that, I don’t know exactly how to interact with those I lead.

I’ve always had this hiccup (maybe an inferiority complex, I don’t know) where I was never confident talking with those who were “above” me, so to speak. I just always assumed they were too busy or had other people that they would prefer to speak with, so I didn’t want to annoy or get in the way so I always just kind of avoided them. If I had a question or a problem, I would never go to the leaders first. I would ask a peer, then if there was still no way of finding out without direct contact, I would have to take the dreaded step and hope for the best.

Even if the leaders were around my age, and maybe even sent signals that they would want to be friends, I still never knew what to do with it. I would always get this wall up in brain where I’d say, “Nope. You’re a leader. I can’t casually interact with you. That’s not normal.”

And when I would lead/teach, I had this same wall up saying “You’re the leader. Don’t say or do anything that would lose their respect or make them think you’re a human who makes mistakes.”

I know that sounds silly, but it’s kind of subtly been in the back of my mind whenever I interact with students.

But now God’s wanting to change all of my past mindsets about leadership and He’s shifting it all around to where it’s going to be unrecognizable. The other day in worship He set Himself in front of me, held my face and looked into my eyes. It’s intimidating to have anyone look intently into your eyes, but to have God, the King of kings and Lord of lords look into my eyes with such love and tenderness is terrifying and intimate at the same time. He sees straight into my soul and He still looks at me with such love I can hardly stand to keep my eyes on Him.

God was saying, “This is leadership: to see and care for the ones you are leading.”

There was so much intimacy in that moment, and I’m trying to comprehend how to translate that into my own life. God directed me to go tell my school pastor about my history of building a wall of separation from leadership, and how God is wanting to break those walls down. My pastor was very understanding and gave me some tips and ideas on how to connect with him and his team this year.

So God is having me really pursue my leaders this year and relearn what leadership looks like, especially for myself. If I’m going to be a good leader, I must first know what a good leader does. That is what my second year at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry is going to be about. I don’t know how all of it is going to look like, but that’s what I’m here to learn. I’m excited about what God has for me this year. I know it’s training for all that He has for me in this life. He’s called me to be a leader, a teacher, a mother. This is what I’m training for and this is some of what I’ll learn while here at Bethel.

Please pray with me for God’s provision to come through. If I don’t get the minimum first payment of $2000 in in the next couple of weeks, I will not be able to continue here. I know He’s told me to come to Second Year, and now I know some of what we’ll be focusing on this year. If you feel called to give towards my tuition, I will be forever grateful. But if you don’t specifically feel called to give, then please don’t. I want only what God has called forth for me. I will accept prayers and cookies though (no raisins ;) ).

If you feel called to give towards my tuition, here is a link that goes directly to the school:

https://my.bssm.net/donations/transactions/new?student_binder=25510

Strength in Joy

Nehemiah 8:10 states that "the Joy of the Lord is our strength." But what does that really mean? What does it mean to have strength in joy? How can joy be strength? 

Control is something that is difficult to give up. To be able to laugh and enjoy your life means that you are giving up your right to stress and try to control whatever is happening in your life. It means that you are resting. Who knew that resting took strength too? Just like vulnerability takes strength to be able to open up, so it takes strength to rest when you don't have control.

To have joy and rest in the thought that God is ultimately in control is to kick the enemy in the pants. The enemy will do his best to distract us from God, and if he can get us distracted with stress or focusing on anything besides God, then he's winning. Really, he's already lost the war, but he does his best to take down the children of God and keep them from intimacy with the Father.

I'm struggling so hard to write this right now. I'm struggling with things from the past being brought up that hurt more than words can say. I'm questioning my qualifications to even write about joy and how we have strength from it. I feel very weak right now. But I feel like this is a post the enemy doesn't want me to write.

Even as I write about how weak I feel, I already know that this weakness is a lie. And once you know something is a lie, it's hard to keep believing it.

The enemy attacks the area that you're called. If you are called to lead, you might find you struggle with feeling insignificant. If you were called to be a speaker, you might struggle with the belief that your voice doesn't matter. The enemy will lie until he's blue in the face to keep you from realizing your calling and living up to your true potential. But that's all that they are: lies. They are powerless unless you agree with them and believe them. But you have the power to stop believing these lies.

God has called me Joy. I can go more into detail on that later, but it's a fact. So what have I struggled with most of my life? Negative thinking and depression. In fact, it took some convincing from God for me to believe that He could call me Joy. He had to remind me of when I was little and how much I laughed and how people would comment on how they loved my laugh. He told me that how a child is, before they get tainted by the world and the lies of the enemy, is how He created them to be. 

God has called me Joy and is helping me get back to the person that He made me to be. To give Him my troubles and heartbreak takes the strength to let go. To say that I can't control this and I am giving my sense of control to Him and am trusting Him to take care of me and my future takes strength. It doesn't sound like giving something away would take strength, but it does.

For some reason, even in situations we can't control, we feel like if we worry about it enough or feel enough for it, we can somehow control it. While that's not true, it still feels like it. Especially, when it's a situation when you feel someone has wronged you. We feel like we can hold a grudge against someone and really make them pay. But the only one really paying is us. If we feel someone died unjustly, we can be angry and bitter at God, but the only ones suffering is us. Suppose you have a court case coming up and you feel totally out of control, but you feel like you must worry about it, hoping that will make it go better.... but it really doesn't help anything. 

To give it to God takes strength, and to laugh at it shows your strength. To be able to laugh and enjoy life, even in hard and trying times, shows the enemy that you won't be phased by his attempts to pull you down and distract you. Once you can identify his lies in your life, laugh at them! They have no power when you see them for what they are: lies! 

Jesus endured the cross for the joy set before Him. We are that joy set before Him, and His joy in us is what brought Him through the pain of the cross. Without Him going to the cross, there would always be separation between us and God. But His joy in us took Him through and helped Him endure. His joy was His strength. 

Our joy that we get when we give up our need for control and even our right to be angry, is so much greater than living in worry or anger. I've heard that peace is silent joy, and joy is loud peace. To give up our negative emotions, no matter how hard it is, brings us to a place where we can encounter God's joy and peace. That is your strength. You are strong when you have joy. It shows your strength. It is your strength to get you through the hardest times. 

So God has not just called me Joy... He has also called me Strong! No wonder the enemy didn't want me to know my identity! I now laugh at his plans and his lies. They hold no power over me.

When was the last time you laughed at your problems? 

Trust and EnJoy

When you go skydiving, you  jump out of a plane and fall through the sky. (Hopefully) you don't spend the entire time freaking out about whether or not your parachute will catch you. (Hopefully) you trust the instructors to have given you a well working parachute and will ensure you make it to the ground safely. Really the best thing you can do is trust that your parachute works and not spend your time in the sky worrying about it, to do what your instructors told you and expect what they said to be true. The best you can do is enjoy the view and experience of "flying."

Wouldn't it be awful to spend the whole time regretting stepping out of the plane and stressing and worrying about something you have absolutely no control over? It's sad to think that this is how a great number of us spend our lives.

One thing I've learned since being out here is that we were never meant to carry four things in this life:
1. worry/stress/fear
2. bitterness/unforgiveness
3. regret
4. shame

We were just never designed to carry them! Just like our bodies weren't designed to digest bleach, bad things happen when we try to carry any of these four things. Plus, we miss out on the good things of today because we're living with something we were never meant to live with.

God wants to take all of these from our shoulders and give us His rest. We aren't meant to worry about the future, and worrying about the past is just silly because we can't do anything about it. We were made for the Garden of Eden, where there were no troubles and we lived in perfect connection with God.

But there's more good news! God doesn't only want to give us rest. He wants to give us joy in the rest!

One thing He told me not long after I moved here is to Trust and Enjoy. He wants us to trust Him and enjoy the life that He's given us. As someone who grew up singing the old hymn Trust and Obey, this element of enjoying surprised me. I had to double check in my spirit to see if I'd heard that right. I had. God explained that in trusting Him, we will do what He asks of us. Obedience should be an automatic response to fully trusting Him. But the thing He wants to remind us religious people, who tend to be very solemn about our relationship with God, is that He wants us to enjoy life. He wants us to enjoy this gift that He's given us!

Often times when we think of the word Joy, people try to soften its meaning by saying it's not a feeling or an emotion, just a thing we supposedly "have" with God. But if you look at any definition of joy or how God uses it in the Bible, you can see that it very much is an emotion; and one that we are capable of truly having with God.

Now you'll see that "Joy" is the root word of  "Enjoy." So to enjoy something is to actually have joy in it! So many times we strive after joy and try so hard to have it, but that's never what God intended. Joy is not something to work for. Just as a gift is freely given and someone might tell you to "Enjoy!" God wants us to enjoy (have joy in) this life He's given us. We don't need to strive for it. We just need to sit back and enJoy it.

So I challenge you, if you want to experience God's joy in your life, try sitting back and taking a serious (but not really) look at the good that God has placed in your life for you to enjoy. Accept it! It's a gift! And keep doing it. Keep looking for the good that God wants you to enjoy and actually take the time to praise Him for it and appreciate it.

Be sure to give your stress/worry/fear to God and trust that He's not lying to you when He tells you something. God can't lie because He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Trust Him to take care of you and give yourself permission to sit back and enjoy the goodness He's given you. Trust that His instructions are good and for your good.

Bad things may happen in life, but that does not take away from the beauty of today. We really only have today. Let yourself see the beauty.Trust and EnJoy!

It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times

I have not had a bad day in two months. TWO MONTHS! I've certainly had days where it was harder to stay happy, but I won't let them keep me down.

The last four months have been the hardest of my life. I've never had to deal with such pain of loss and rejection. I've had every excuse to sit in my sadness and heartbreak and never look at the sun again; every reason to doubt the goodness of God.

Let me start at the beginning. When I first moved across the country I thought I was good. I thought I knew who I was in God, and while I had some idea of my identity I didn't know as much as I know now. I came to the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry looking for some hope. I wasn't hopeless, but I came looking to get out of the rut I'd gotten stuck in. And honestly, I moved over here to get a better foundation for my relationship with my boyfriend who was also attending the school. (Living in separate quarters, of course.) You know, to get a better start for our lives together.

For the first month I was pretty bored. I'd heard most of these sermons before and I'd learned most if not all of the lessons in the past so I felt like I was getting hardly anything out of this school. Growing up in a Spirit led church had gotten me that far.

There was one day in class in September when God asked me to give Him my heart. It was scary, but I decided that He would take better care of it than I could. He assured me that it was secure. He then told me something that I'll cling to forever. He told me to Trust Him and Enjoy this life He's given me. I'll write more on this later because there is so much more in there, but it's important for now.

Then came the breaking point. I was reading homework and so much of what I read was bringing things out from my past that I had never thought of. All of this junk from my life started to surface. This life that I thought was all "good". God showed me things from my past that I had completely forgotten about that had shaped who I'd believed myself to be. All of these lies that I'd built my life and identity upon had suddenly been yanked out from under me like a rug. I fell and it felt like I kept falling.

Before I knew it almost everything I'd ever relied on or trusted in was out from under me.

For my health, that I'd always thought was impeccable, we found out right before I moved out here that my thyroid wasn't working correctly, making me extremely moody. Apparently, to the point of people being on edge around me, which I never knew and honestly feel awful about. 

My finances had been really good before I moved away from my nanny job and suddenly money was almost non-existent.

It seemed everything I ever knew about how to interact with people and make friends was based on lies that I was believing. Everything I knew about relationships, friendships, family, everything seemed to be thrown out the window. It came to the point when people would ask how I was and I honestly didn't know how to answer.

My family is still there and they're amazing, but nowhere near me.

The final and hardest blow came when the person I'd planned on spending the rest of my life with wanted out.* None of it made sense. I felt my life was crumbling before my eyes. **

So now I was lost. I had the absolute worst month of my life. I felt I had nothing to cling to. I had always struggled with pessimism and I was always finding the cloud to go with every silver lining. I had chest pains from all the crying. I thought I was going to die of a broken heart.

…But God. It started on November 23, 2017, Thanksgiving of all days. God told me to read a chapter of one of the books for homework and something in it sparked my thinking. It stated that when you have a mindset or a thought pattern, it carves a ditch in your mind that makes it hard to get out of. That got me thinking about Romans 12:2 in having a renewed mind. I'd always thought that that was a passive thing of having your mind just be "renewed" by God then things will be great. But that's not it; at least not for me. I've tried the passive thing before and it didn't work.

But having the visual of your thought life being a ditch that you have to dig your fingers in and fight for all you're worth to get out of helped me to understand what I was in for.

Now that I knew that I needed to fight to change my mindsets, I sunk my teeth in and I'm still not letting go. I got proactive. I'd heard about a woman who had a timer set on her phone for every 15 minutes and when it would go off, she would just say a quick "Thank You, Jesus" and go on with her day. I decided to go for it. I set my timer. It took me a bit to get into it, but it definitely helped me to keep my mind on Christ. It reminded me to look at the bright side of life. It reminded me to look to God for what I should be thinking on.

And God joined me in the fight! He'll ask me what I love about Him and His character. He'll ask me what I love about me. He'll tell me to ask Him what He loves about me!

Sure, there have been times when I messed up in these last couple of months. I get caught thinking about people or struggles or disappointments and I don't act like my best self, but then the timer will go and I'll realize my mistake and I'll repent and go back to God. And if I can't think of something positive in life at the moment, I'll call somebody and ask them for suggestions. It's been a challenge and a struggle at times to keep my mind on Him, but I'm doing it! And I'm not quitting! I still have my timer going every day and I don't plan on turning it off. I'm now learning how to trust Him and enjoy this life He's given me; to truly have Joy! He is the best thought I can have, and while these have been some of the hardest days of my life, I've also had some of my absolute best days of my life in this time, because God is good!

I'm going to write more about what I've been learning in the last few months, because there is a lot, but for now ….. What has God done for you lately?

*While there was blame on both ends, he'd gotten hurt and confused. I know he had no ill intent and anyone who knows him knows that he's not a jerk, so please don't think I'm trying to say that.

**God has been doing a lot in my life, that I will write about later. God is good and my life is not in shambles anymore.